Just Another Anonymous Witch

I need to remind myself of this:

if this is true, there must be some serious changes afoot. hope they are good.

Anyways…reasons this week blew cookie chunks:

READY?!

go.

-the weather. it ranged from 30 degrees, dry cold to windy, rainy, damp, humid, dense fog, to 70 degrees less than 24 hours later. Seriously it snowed Sunday night and yesterday was 70. Kill me, my sinuses hate my guts right now and I have had a migraine for a week.

-money. i have it, but not a ton, and its in limbo. double billed on insurance so negotiating to get that back, tricky. a check bounced because of it. embarassing! admittedly, the person was cool about it but i spent a whole day at work driving around trying to find a place to deposit cash to my bank located mostly online and in texas and for some reason they have atms in this state but they are only for taking OUT money not putting any in and i ended up paying $9 to western union that shit and it was worth every damn dime and the entire 36 minutes spent at the food lion counter trying to explain to this woman in the rual area i live in exactly what i was trying to do.

-work-

**people were pissy this week, all week

**my schools are filthy. i spent most of the week vaccuuming out computers which does not sound so bad until you realize you are getting hundreds of tiny cuts on your fingers, naked to the eye but certainly you can feel them any time you wash your hands which I do, 100 times a day, and it stings

**no matter how hard i work, there is always more work, i am never, never caught up. job security, yes, frustrating to my OCD, yes

**coworker bs. i finally snapped, stormed into my bosses office, and …pretty much had a meltdown. his door was open so my other boss below him, both secretaries, and the boss above him and another tech heard every single word..and while everything i said was true i was so angry i don’t actually remember what i said but apparently there was cursing and according to B if i get out of this without being fired or written up it will be amazing because i have not hit my six months yet and still..i was like, if i dont get fired and its just a write up its worth it because unlike the rest of you chickenshit assholes, i went directly to our boss with the issue because attempting to work with this person is impossible and you guys are all thinking what i said, you just dont have the balls to say it. REGARDLESS, i feel kind of panicky about it when i think about it. i emailed, and had a text conversation with said boss, sincerely apologizing and explaining i had meant to talk to him quietly and professionally but i obviously failed and contrary to trying to undermime his authority i was so angry because 1. i respect him as a boss and 2. that person does not and treats everyone else like garbage and it made me look unprofessional to a very touchy media specialist which is no excuse but thats what happened. i also said i’d never do it again and did he accept my apology and he said yes and he also said “don’t worry about it just let it go” and i am taking that to mean i have escaped unscathed and since my director (his boss who was there too) also heard it and talked to me today but didn’t mention it..and he isnt the type to keep quiet…we’ll see. whatever. i work my ass off. there’s less than two weeks to my six month mark, all my media specialists are happy, im busting my ass, and trying my best. if i get written up for (unprofessionally) calling bullshit when i see it, then so be it. i just hope i get to keep my job. blah. anyway, they know for the most part, unless it affects me directly I stay out of drama and just do my damn job.

So yeah panic attacks about that. trying not to think about it but APPARENTLY everyone in my office knows and were doing various versions of staring/high five/smirk knowing smile at me today. assholes. i told the town gossip person (sub boss) please do not talk about it anymore, because..that was not what i meant to do and i plan on never losing my temper like that again. ever. gah.

-lost my tax return to husbands student loan collectors. that blows.

-got my tuition reimbursement approved, but you know what that requires? Cash up front to pay for school…which I don’t have. so no school for the foreseeable future, gotta put my past student loans in forebearance, which means contacting them, sadface.

-have to negotiate with the financial aid people at my college for my scholarship funding, so i can pay the classes up front, if i can still take them, and then maybe get tuition reimbursement? i don’t know if that will work. i just want to be finishing my degree, dammit. in the meantime, i have to make a schedule for myself because there are online courses (free) and youtube videos (free–actual high quality ones) on how to learn stuff for my job, and i will notate what i am learning so i know i am making progress, with or without school.

-husband is working overtime which is good for our depleted emergency fund (omg down to only $200!) when the money finally shows up but he is gone from 515 am to 730,8pm every night, so essentially, I am a single Maman. I am okay with that, but..this week was rough. I got out the door 10min early and to work 15+min early every day but today where the migraine was killer, i texted the secretary and told her i was running late and tried sleeping it off for two hours. it failed but then i took the girl to daycare the boy to high school and went in anyway and worked my ass off all day, albiet at the shop, but i had a ton of shop work to do and its almost all done which is good for next week.

-so i miss my husband and theres no sex because we are both too tired. #whitewineproblems

-haven’t been working out , because I’ve been too tired by nighttime, haven’t gotten up in the mornings, and have barely showered all week. Just the essential bits and washed my hair twice. I did get my bangs cut again and they are kind of retro cool, shorter than I wanted but looks better than the overall growing out haircut.

-i am cultivating this terrible haircut by flipping it out instead of under, ponytails, barrette clips on the sides, and makeup. it distracts people.

-i had a huge zit on my chin earlier this week but it has faded into just a red scar now, so its less noticeable

-i am pretty sure i gained back my 12 lbs and i am super emo depressed about it. i know numbers on a scale dont matter and neither do clothes sizes and all that jazz but i had this dream i was back around my “normal” goal weight and it was wonderful..and then i woke up

-peaches has been farting like mad, i had to steam clean my couch to get the puggle farts off it

-the baby has been refusing to sleep, so i have put her in my bed almost every night, and the night B snapped at me because he’s sick/tired and i was cranky, she and i slept on the couch together which was miserable because she was literally sticking her naked ass in the air refusing to go to bed..so i picked her up and yelled in her face and then felt like the worst parent in the universe and cried. fun times.

-after we cleaned up the shattered glass beer bottles in our yard, we talked to the nieghbors who did not deny doing it and then i came home yesterday and some punk ass had egged our house..so i had to call both in laws and my dad asking about power washing and now its going to be too nasty to do it and OMG so annoying. cuz really? egging someone’s house? total douche move.

-traffic has been insane and dangerous this week and im starting to doubt my driving abilities.

—soo…then i sent out this email before leaving work today and the teacher answered and it was all snarky and bitch face mean and that was just like THE FINAL STRAW of crappiness this week, and i was like..AUUUGUUHHHHHHH

and have since been sitting here, eating pork chops dipped in ranch dressing and contemplating chugging the remaining chambord vodka in the freezer.

good things about this week—

* one night i fell asleep at 9pm with the baby and we both slept straight through the night. felt awesome the next day.

*gave myself two kick ass manicures this week–color: Noel by Zoya and a sparkly red by Zoya, and my nails are decent length and thanks to Orly quick dry stuff they didn’t smudge.

*everyone, minus allergies, is healthy right now. ROCK!

*my father in law is going to arrange to fix the outside light thats busted and replace it with several, staggered around the house, motion-activated SPOTLIGHTS to prevent punk ass teenagers or anyone else from vandilizing our stuff or house

*father in law also is coming by this weekend to inspect the kitchen sink and bathroom and arrange to get them fixed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cannot express how excited i am about this!

*baby girl took her martial arts test and totally kicked ass. husband took his tonight and also kicked ass so monday they both get new belts!

*the boy has been more talkative, is going to a volunteer event for his school tomorrow for his engineering class and even asked if i would pick up his friend to take with him–so proud of his complete turnaround from december. its awesome.

*i still have my job. ha. for now, anyway. ***Cross your fingers.****

*my babysitter was understanding about her check bouncing and isnt even charging me any fees. she’s awesome.

*theres tons of food and my mom took me to the commissary to get it so even though it was $330 that is about 1/4 of what it would have been in town because jeez gluten free is expensive but hurray for discounts coupons and your mom bending her rules for once in your favor!

*while cleaning for the husbands boys only board game night i managed to get the entire house including the bathroom clean so theres only surface cleaning to do this weekend

*even though we are both tired and grumpy the husband and i both agree we love the kids and each other and that on the whole, life is awesome, so yeah..despsite the emo ranting dump at the top of this post..i still love my life. was just a shitty week!

this pic reminds me of me and B. :D

OH! & the last cool TWO things–

**my friend tara is sending me a pair of the coolest shoes in existence which i dubbed “the traveling shoes of happiness” so whoever else can fit into an 8.5 let me know and i will send them to you too. only qualification is you gotta take a pic of yourself wearing them.

**i am on the “traveling red dress project” FB and I am next in line for a really cute red dress and cant wait to do it!

With that, I hope everyone has a mellow, zen, happy weekend.

If you get bored, you can come follow me on Pinterest–that site is my freaking addicition time wasting internet picture compilation of love. <3!!!

I am not myself this morning. I have been out of sorts for a few days, not sure why or what is going on. Life is good, even with the sneaky loss of my tax return, and there is enough money to go around. Temporary setback on the money front but it is manageable..just frustrating.

I have a sinus migraine today and I just want to go home and sleep it off, in a nite-quill and valium haze, taking the easy way out and ignoring my thoughts and anger at myself. I am furious with myself right now, due to setbacks and being frustrated by them instead of being like “yeah I can get over/through this, keep pushing ahead.”

Weight is stalled, workouts on hold, school on hold, student loan people are like hey you aren’t in school give us our moneys now, I make too much money now to get financial aid for school but not enough to pay for it out of pocket, and waiting on my paltry tuition reimbursement forms to come back yes or no is going to delay enrollment and possibly cause me to miss the class altogether, at least one of them. Meanwhile the husband is working Overtime, will be enrolled in some classes via work for special training, and what am I doing lately? Vacuuming out computers. I know it needs to be done but it isn’t something I am excited to come to work for, since dust=allergy attacks and today the sinuses, which are already whacked the eff out due to this ridiculous weather–> snow on Sunday, Sunday night, Monday there’s random ice cold with wind, Tuesday frost everywhere, kinda warm midday, today its warm, tomorrow and Friday–70+ degrees. WHAT the fuck?

Just a mess this week. Face is broken out, in an obvious, gross way. Like what is up with breakouts on the chin, anyway? Why can’t they just..stop? I am 31 years old. Too old for that bullshit. Forgot my makeup today and I look and feel like a zombie, which is kind of a catchy look right now but…eh.

Time to head out so I can go withdraw from my emergency fund and make a deposit to my bank, and hopefully the babysitters check won’t bounce, because I don’t want to have to pay her bank fees on top of everything else. >.<

I seriously need hugs and someone to loves me this week.

Just Another Anonymous Witch

That which yields is not always weak

i am okay, for …

Angry

Evaluation: A weeks summary in bullet points

Emo AW is Emo

serenity

The cast is assembling….

Painted

<3

Sleepless

Early Valentines!

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